Reflecting on a Year in the Word

It's been so long since I've written here that I feel I have some explaining and encouraging to do...but it feels so great to be writing here and again and sharing a piece of my heart with all of you!!!

2013 was a growing year for me, a year of stretching and reaching and planting new roots.  A year with triumphs and challenges beyond anything I anticipated or really could have imagined.  For me, growing brought the biggest writers' block ever.  Every time I tried to write for this blog, I just couldn't.  I stared at the blank screen and nothing came out.  I feel like God was calling me to turn inward and upward (to Him) for the year of growth I just completed.

And yet, I had great moments of sharing with some of my closest friends in the midst of this great growth.  For accountability, I told a dear friend my plan/calling to read the entire Bible in 2013.  For those interested or with similar callings, I used the Bible Eater plan and would absolutely recommend it!  Surprise to me, but she was greatly encouraged and challenged by my journey and is now starting on a similar journey this year.

I loved the daily readings from both the New and Old Testament, the way the NT encouraged me and gave perspective to the sometimes overwhelming law and judgment seen in the OT.  I relived old Bible studies from times past and fell in love with new books in the Bible I had never read, or never seen with the eyes I was honing and developing during my adventure.  The daily quiet moments early in the morning, spent in my sun room with the Word and a cup of coffee became moments I craved, despite the great discipline required.

As I realized I would complete my goal, I wondered....what next?  How do you follow up with reading the entire Bible and keep your daily quiet time with God fresh, but challenging and authentic at the same time?

The more I prayed, the more I felt called to study the Psalms in depth for 2014.  As I reviewed my 2013 prayer journals, this book created the most praise and thanksgiving in my prayers, the greatest number of memory verses on my chalkboard at home, the deepest joy in my heart.  I loved the beauty of the Psalms, the way the words spoke to my heart, the creative genius of the people who wrote these poems and hymns.

So this year, I am studying a Psalm a day with the help of Warren Wiersbe's commentaries.  Amazing...the books are titled Be Worshipful and Be Exultant....what an incredible theme to start off 2014!!!  So far, my study has been beautiful, challenging, and eye opening all at the same time.  My goal is also to pray (as led) based on the revealings of the Holy Spirit within my study, and to memorize about one Psalm a month, to build up my spiritual armor and the Word that abides in me.

Why am I sharing this here and now, after so much silence?  I believe God is nudging my heart to share with you, to comment every so often on how my journey proceeds, to encourage and challenge you to seek God this year and maintain a vital and growing personal walk.  My goal is not to call attention to myself or to boast on my discipline, but to magnify the One who has so beautifully pursued my heart through His Word over the past several years, and in 2013 specifically.

The journey is great and beautiful, and I am excited to share it with you!  Stay tuned for what is in store!

The Answered Prayer

Awesome outfit for urgent care, right?

Most of you all know this has been a rough couple of weeks for me.  A youth group 80s skating party suddenly landed me in urgent care (in an awesome 80s outfit, by the way) with a fractured left wrist.  A splint, 2 casts, an unnatural amount of sleep, and many doctor's visits later, I am recovering. I am getting stronger.  I am healing.  But this journey has not been without pain...but with pain, comes great growth.

Over the past three weeks, I have been praying and meditating, trying to understand and wrap my mind around what God has planned for me with this misadventure.  It's been hard, with many days that I just didn't know how to get started praying, or for what my heart really wanted to pray.  But God led me to show He was actually answering one of my prayers.

I have been praying, for nearly a year now, for greater awareness of my sins, for a more repentant heart, a heart that wants God more than it wants its sins.  I find, for me at least, it is all too easy to get spiritual blinders on ourselves - to see ourselves as doing pretty good, to forget the beauty and fullness and completeness of grace.  Well, let me tell you, I have come very up close and personal with my sin these past few weeks, and it is not pretty.  In fact, I am amazed how much gunk and nastiness was inside me, despite the good and beautiful things God has grown there.

As I heal, I've had to let go of my pride, my pride in my appearance (it's really hard to fix your hair or makeup with one hand), my pride that I can do things on my own.  I've asked for lots of help from friends and been amazed by their love and grace for me once I exposed my own weaknesses (my life group brought me food for over a week).

With a broken wrist, one cannot do much physical therapy on others, so I have been on light duty. This is, in itself, a huge grace gift to prevent using all my time off for the whole year while I recover.  I've seen my huge drive to achieve in my work, and realize how much of my identity and worth I have placed in work rather that in my unchanging status as a child of God.  I wonder how much I have been following/achieving for my own glory, rather than for God and His glory.

Finally, I've had to surrender my tendency to totally plan and control my life.  If you think you are in control, see what a fractured wrist shows you...I am so not in control.  The past few weeks (and I suspect the next few weeks, as well) have looked nothing like I planned.  But, strangely, they look exactly as God as planned.  Have I been controlling God in my desire to achieve and plan my life?  Has my life looked far different from God's plan for me, because I have not wanted to be led by Him?  Do I really let anyone in leadership (besides myself) lead me?

It has been hard for me to write this post, and to organize my thoughts.  Although I usually write with transparency here, it is difficult to open my heart in this way, to really expose my gunkiness that I am in process of surrendering to God for greater grace and transformation.  But I've realized that is my pride speaking again, that there's someone reading this that desperately needs this, and needs my candor and openness of heart.  But even now, I take heart - God did not leave me as He found me, but daily transforms me into the beautiful, godly woman He designed and created me to be.  He is daily bringing to completion in Christ the good work He started in me - and each of you.

So take heart, my friends.  And watch out what you pray for. :)

A New Year's Diet Plan

It's been a long time since I've written on this blog.  Some would say too long, yet I've learned that I cannot push myself to write.  Writing comes from deep within, from some place within myself I cannot fully understand or reach on my own. 

I've been thinking: why has it been so hard, impossible really, for me to write over these last several months?  I don't have a clear answer.  My life has been busy and hectic, my heart honestly overwhelmed with many things I must do or accomplish and places I must go.  For an introverted soul, the pace of life can be exhausting.  I wonder if I have been fearful of what would happen, what others would think, if I did not do all that was expected of me.  To be able to become quiet, peaceful, and at rest to write is an increasing challenge in our chaotic culture and busy lives.

But anyways...a new year, new goals.  I want to share with you one of my goals...to read the entire Bible in 2013.

To help me with this goal, I started a new Bible reading plan that I absolutely love.  Daily in the early morning quiet I get to dig in to both the New and Old Testaments, and daily I am amazed at God. 
He is the God that called to Abraham.
He wrestled with Jacob.
He healed and fed many below the notice of society in Matthew.
He sent his son to choose to die on the Cross.
He sent ten plagues and gave ten commandments.
He is abounding in the incredible grace Paul describes in Romans.

And that's only six weeks in!  I really love how this plans combines both Testaments, how it helps me see the forest from the trees, how it allows me the grace to miss days when life is difficult.  However, I don't want to miss.  I am so hungry for more.  The Bible fills my heart and my soul so much more than I ever realized possible, that I realize I can never be hungry once it is in my hands and abiding in my heart.  This is the true diet we each need for fulfillment and 'a better me' in the new year.

I am not sharing this to make you feel guilty that you can't read the Bible early in the morning, or to feel bad about the time you spend with God.  Believe me, if someone had told me five years ago they had this reading plan, I would have thought they were totally crazy and probably should be locked up.  But see, God's grace is greater than any of us, and He can redeem any heart, even mine, even yours. 

So this is to encourage you to seek God in 2013, to find the 'diet' that is truly worth following in 2013 and every year after, and maybe for a little accountability on my part.  We all need community to follow through with the calling God places on each of our hearts, and I am honored you are a part of my community. :)